Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Feminist Wedding

B and I! Photo Source: Joanne Warger Boland, photographer extraordinaire

When I got engaged, I promised I wouldn't turn this into a wedding blog. And I'm promise I'll stay true to my word!

That being said, I know that it will be helpful and fun (to me at least) to write about the entire wedding planning process. Writing always helps me process my own thoughts, and wedding planning is a crazy and overwhelming process. Writing about it will definitely help me stay sane!

Besides, I think there is really something amazing about turning patriarchal traditions into feminist ones. About exploring wedding customs, traditions, and rituals from around the world. About looking at what weddings have looked like throughout history, and recognizing that the "traditions" and "must-dos" espoused by many wedding blogs and even family members aren't really that traditional at all (people have not been renting tuxes from stores in malls since the dawn of time). I think there is something powerful, liberating, and romantic about tearing down the commercialized Wedding and throwing your own wedding, a meaningful celebration of love where you get to marry your best friend and then do something fun afterwards to kick off married life (in our case, eat tons of cake and dance until we can't anymore).

I also think its an incredible experience to sit down with your fiance and think through all the symbols and rituals that surround marriage. To determine what - both as individuals and as a couple - you find meaningful and what you find problematic. And to figure out how you convey that to the world and to your families. It's very good practice for life post-wedding! As one of my favorite aunts said recently, "It's your wedding. And your life. So you two do what you want to do. Make decisions together as a new family. And then let your respective families know what you've decided. If they don't like it, they can all get over it. But don't change your life or miss out on things you two wanted to do to keep other people happy - even when that other people is us." That was a long quote, and she's said it to me about other things even pre-engagement, but Brett and I remind ourselves of it quite a bit so it was worth quoting in its entirety.

Also, besides all these serious, feminist thoughts I have about weddings, I have to confess that I simply love wedding blogs. Even the not-so-feminist kind. I love the pretty photos and the creativity and love that goes into weddings, especially DIY weddings. I love seeing how people make weddings uniquely theirs. And I really love seeing how people plan weddings on a budget; the decisions they make, the things they cut out, and the cost saving tips they come up with along the way (everybody says a wedding will cost way more than you expect it will. I always thought I would be soooo savvy that it would cost less than I had even thought it would. That was stupid of me. They're out-of-this-world-seriously-what-is-wrong-with-this-industry- and-who-are-these-people-spending-this-much-money-on-cake expensive. Cost saving tips matter!!!).

So, like it or not dear readers, be prepared for some wedding stuff over the next few months. And if you have any thoughts, suggestions, tips, or advice, please always feel free to share in the comments or shoot me an email!


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